Guess it really time for me to move on already. All this hope that I'm hanging on really ain't helping. It just bring more and more devastating memories and mood to my mind. Right now I'm looking at your pictures and wonder what if that is me? won't it be better? Guess that's my childish side. Hoping on you coming back to me is futile, pointless and it won't come true.

You on the pictures look so happy man, your smile look so real and it's coming out from your heart. I know from the start my concern and linger by your side is on my own wish. Call me stupid man but you're the only girl i think i will go very long in the future. Almost every time, you will remind me that what if one day i break up with you, will i still look for you? Questions like "If one day, i finally get permission to stay overnight, could we go camping at ecp?" I always answer yes. And i really wish for that to happen. Words of that time, really doesn't mean anything from what i can see. It's just words of assurance and stupidly in love.

I'm really putting down this. Finally, I'm convincing myself to believe that. In this world, second chances maybe everywhere but in this case, a U-turn sign isn't anywhere in this case. I think today event is telling me to put down for sure, move on and don't feel guilty about meeting new girls already. Events like LZX called me, Me asking about her, Me going temple to pray for her and Her very long post in facebook with pictures.

I swear to god, no more am i going to take priority of her any more in my life. My heart, will once break away from you....

sometimes i wonder why can't i forget you. Almost everyday, you'll appear in my mind whether i'm awake or sleeping. And almost everytime, i have the urge of sending you an sms saying "Woman, you really don't want me le ar?" Sounds familiar? You'll receive that sms almost everytime we got into an argument. I really wish that's a tool to turn back time and maybe finding out the way to make you stay by my side.

I'm feeling damn empty now. A weekend at home and a wild chase of thoughts.... When will you come back to me? Never i think? If there were a chance in the future and you won't obligate, i just wanna hold you so tight and stop time from moving. I still love you...

Doesn't know whether my dream last night was good or bad but it was enough to make me miss you even more. It's been one year five days since you left me, damn it was really enough for me and sometime i would just think whether to just find you and look at you to stop all those thoughts of missing you.

Anyway, my dream was when i was going home, i saw my room light on and thinking who would be using my room. I reached home and my mum was looking at me, there my door was closed. I thought it was my brother and knock on it just like i always do to tell them i need my room back. No one answer the door and saw my brother in my sister room playing game. He stared at me too, their stares was like signaling somethings to me and i open my room door. There you was playing my computer and enjoying the air con like you always do. The first two words that came out of your mouth was, bang bang. The next moment i found myself crying and something was knifing me heart. I went over and hug you, hug you like i never hug before. I told you, woman don't leave me ever again ok? you know it was almost hell for that one year without you. I love you Valerie Loy.....

Sadly, it's a dream and it will never never happen because dreams are always opposite that's what i think. Gladly, you felt so real as i'm hugging you.....

I really can't get over this two days. Today I'm suppose to feel damn freaking wanted and my life full of joy, that have been for the pass 3 years but this year it's totally opposite. It was our anniversary remember? If we didn't break up, this would be our 4th year, some may think, no big deal, mine is 4,5,6,7 years. It's doesn't matter about the duration but more on how much heart you put in this relationship. I put my 100% and i don't regret it. You no longer accompany passing my days of life, me dwelling in the memories we had together. Took a long walk along ECP, thoughts that ain't what i want really keep coming in my mind. Avoiding everything for that day made me somehow made my emotion more stable, at least i don't need to show other people how childish am i in this area of life.

My wall paper is your picture which I "stole" from your facebook. How ironic was i to delete your facebook, to show how strong and determine i want you out of my life but the truth is, i really can't live without you. I can smile, laugh, giggle and LOL all i want but in the middle of the night, i just need a hug, a simple hug from you. My family ask me why am i so moody this week, i really can't give them a proper answer and just tell them, I'm tired.

I really want to sent a bouquet of flowers to your house but so many objection from the friends around me, i wrote on my calender since the day we broke up and keep reminding myself that i no matter what will do it but belinde told me, you will make things worst for her, creating a commotion between her current boyfriend and her. If you really love her, let her go. How many times in shows, movies and in life you hear this but the thing is not accepting the sentence but to swallow that gush of unwilling down your throat. I really want you to be happy, not because i forget the date, i really want to sent you that bouquet of flowers.

Many times i heard words of encourage from people around me, saying if you want her back, perform better in everything, like your studies, get a good job, earn more than that guy and make yourself more handsome. This to me are words of encouragement because of this phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder".

I don't think you want to come back to me already because a new phase of your life is starting....I love you Valerie Loy...i really do...

Happy 46th birthday to my mum. Time is really passing very fast and happiness will not leave us forever. Going to have a very good fulfilling lunch with my family! hopefully the crowd won't leave us hanging outside the waiting list too long! I love my family very very much and of course my friends. (Those that I'm very close to. I don't want to start pointing fingers~)

Merry Christmas guys, hope you all have a accomplish 2009 and start 2010 with a big blast!

Belinde! My daring sister, my caring girlfriend(you should know why) and my sudden wife(You should know why too), damn a lot have happened in the three days we met. It's funny that every time we met, something bound to happen and it's really very out of the world. Can't understand why but we always get a good laugh out of it.

Day 1,

Was supposed to meet her in town at the new mall 313 somerset. She got lost and don't know where she was. Haha, embarrassing but it's okie! Actually she was just in the mall beside 313, Ochard Central. Not saying she a country bumpkin or what but the clue she gave me where she was was funny, this is the conversation: "Brother, i think i missed the stop already. Now i think I'm at ION, got a lot of light flashing de. Wait ar i go see got any building sign or road sign. Ya I'm opposite this building call Centrepoint."

In my mind, I'm thinking, which building in orchard don't have a lot of light cling to it! hahahah and isn't centrepoint just opposite orchard central? so meaning she's near me la. So i told her to wait in a shop and i'll go find her. Saw her and this was her first words to me. "Brother, you became fatter already lehz!" Imagine how i felt at that time.

OH MY GOD. I really must slim down already if now, i really gonna be so depress when everyone start saying the same thing to me. When we are deciding where to eat, we were walking to orchard central from 313 and one guy saw us walking to his direction and suddenly, he siam like he see gangster. We were furiously laughing to orchard central.

Next activity was singing with Mr CZH. We were on the bus to parkway to settle some stuff, while on the journey to there, we saw a couple, from the moment we board the bus, the couple is busying concentrating on their phone rather than talking to each other. Sister suspect they won't girlfriendboyfriend but i saw them holding hand while boarding the bus. After sister settle her business there, we took a cab to pick Mr CZH and to downtown for our singing session!

Got in the room and the monitor just won't on, a male staff came in and start hammering the monitor so hardly that the drawer's door came off. You can't imagine how amusing was that at that time! Ok, it went as per normal where i would start the first song and how it always goes, Mr CZH always need to pee and while walking out, he always refuse to close the door and sister went to close for him. The next thing we know was the waitress who wanna come in the room can't come in cause the door was spoil. At first they thought we locked the door from inside but when we tried to open, it just wouldn't budge. Hahah, laughter filled the air man, this is my first time getting locked inside. Mr CZH came back and start shouting that i purposely make the door faulty and he even tried to bang the door. The next moment, our corridor was filled with managers and staffs. Ok, the door was settled and made us move to another room.

I sent sister home and decided to buy a drink from 7-11 (The never close mama tiam) but we reach the 7-11 near her house and it was CLOSED. Laughing our way back and this is how the day ended.

2nd day,

Sister decide to get something from suntec and the place was FILLED WITH FTs! wah lau can't imagine next time singapore gonna get invaded by them man. While looking for the camera, we stop at a Canon booth. There was one china man standing beside us, we were asking about one camera and after we ask, the china man would start intercepting our conversation not once not twice but a lot of time. At that point, we lost our interest and went out.

Stop by a flea market just below the convention hall, we stopped outside a stall selling makeup brushes and just next to the it was a booth selling face mask. She was talking to them and not to hinder her, i went to look at the mask, looking very shiok, one female promoter came forward and tried to promote me a mud mask to me, she told me I could use it for one year....blah blah blah and one sentence from her gave me a shock. She told me i could use it with my wife at night and she point to sister. Not to embarrass her i let her continue and let her assume it that way, after listening to her i really was tempted to buy. The next moment, sister bought finish her thing and she walk towards me, the promoter suddenly said, you and your wife could really spend time talking while putting on the mask. I grab sister's hand and told them i could use some time to think about it. Walking away very quickly because i can't control my laughter anymore.

The next thing was movie, we decide to watch AVATAR in 3D, not a bad movie but in the cinema, i saw one situation where a guy got so pissed off by the person beside him that during the movie, he actually said this to the guy. "Eh, are you all done? It's been twenty minutes since the show started and you all are still talking. Why? you all wanna pay for my movie izzit? huh? continue talking la." The funniest thing is, the person beside him don't know how to react and just ignore this guy. The next situation was the person beside me actually was eating jackfruit which tempt our hunger from fruits. hahaha. Just before the movie, we were ordering oyster mee sua and a pork floss roll from the shi ling stall. The guy making chicken chop keep asking us want to put chilli and pepper on the chicken chop a not but we didn't order chicken chop. This question repeat to us for like 3 times and one guy took the receipt from us and then awhile more, the guy come asking for the receipt again. Damn it was unusual man. The day ended with sister settling her business in parkway.

3rd day.

Met sister after my army cause she need to clear something from my house which she good heartedly initial to help me. When shopping in NTUC and Sheng Siong, damn it was crowded. Hahaha, I brought her home and we were watching TV and cleared my stuff. Then my mum came back. I introduce her as my girlfriend but my mama wouldn't believe! oh my god, I tried to convince her but she still don't believe. Mr CZH also don't believe when i tell him. Damn, one day if she really become my gf, i will see what you all will say. (Ok, that's a joke.) Send her home after she watch finish her show in my house! This is how it end!

Yeah! today, we gonna have GIFT EXCHANGE!!! Can't wait for it to happen! Don't know what TBW will buy what for KCW, Will CZH be happy with the present KCW giving him? What will CFY give CBY and TBW surely will not be happy with the gift from CZH.

我高高的 但是瘦瘦的
腰细细的 脸小小的
遇见你了 是我喜欢的人
不知道你会不会讨厌 我没有什么
我把手臂练粗了
只为了让你好躺一些
我把真心练壮了
只为了背着你奔跑不会累
我是一个瘦瘦的男生
只是一个渺小的男生
不知道你是否能看见
我爱你的那一面
我是一个瘦瘦的男生
一直等待你的人
如果我不是你选择
没关系 我只是个SOSO的男生
我高高的 但是瘦瘦的
腰细细的 脸小小的
一直以来 我最喜欢的人
不知道你会不会讨厌 我没有什么
我把手臂练粗了
只为了让你好躺一些
我把真心练壮了
只为了背着你奔跑不会累
我是一个瘦瘦的男生
只是一个渺小的男生
不知道你是否能看见
我爱你的那一面
我是一个瘦瘦的男生
一直等待你的人
如果我不是你选择 没关系
我只是个SOSO的男生
我是一个瘦瘦的男生
只是一个渺小的男生
不知道你是否能看见
我爱你的那一面
我是一个瘦瘦的男生
一直等待你的人
如果你选择了我
因为你 我不是个SOSO的男生

Hospital. A place where life is created and death is released. A place with mixture of happiness and sorrow. The stay over there really let me see some fact about life, a cruel fact. Lonely old soul, lying on the bed alone while watching other patient family gather around the bed, smiling and laughing. And what he got is only his lunch and a cup of tea. After finishing his meal, he simply walked away, strolling in the internal area of the ward. Imagine, next time when you're old, even if it's Sunday (Family Day) no one actually visit you and while dwelling in the happiness of others, you sense a sharp pain in your heart and asking yourself, where is my family? A simple yet unanswerable question.

The day came where he can discharge from the hospital, he was told 2 hours earlier than me. Straight away, he went to change and told the nurse to call his wife and son to fetch him. He waited and waited, from the looks from his eye, you can see his agony that he want to go home asap. Waited far too long, he told the nurse to inform his family member again but the nurse told him this time his family member didn't pick up the phone. So to console him, she told him they might be on the way now. I don't know what happen because when i left the place, he was still there. Waiting for his family to appear in front of him. Imagine you are him, the waiting time is killing you and you actually see another person discharging before you but you waiting far longer than him. That must be very sourish.

Another patient beside me was a old uncle, he was a pawn shop worker or boss, didn't ask in detail. He was sick, he had problem passing motion. What the doctor did was open a opening in his large intestine, so the waste will all pass out through there. Shitified ain't it? but that's not the end to it, because the bag was use to collect the shit, but it cannot be very tight as it will be very uncomfortable and you need to change it (Once it's full). Once there was a nurse accidentally bump him with his motion bag along and the waste leak all over the bed. Imagine, from now onwards, this is a barrel, whatever you do, you can't live without it. Inaccessible to many things.

Imagine, you can't speak and the only thing you can move in your whole body is your hand. Opening your eye you realize that you are in the hospital. The pain and suffering, no one will know because you can't speak and tell them what actually are you feeling. Family and friends, they brought a lot of things like a radio to play christian music, a heat dissolver fan and come to massage you, try to talk to you. But you just couldn't tell them how thankful you are to them. When you're in pain, you show it in your face but you just couldn't do anything to stop them.

In the world, the worst thing is that you lost any one of your five senses or the ability of movement. Can't imagine what time will bring for us in the near future. The point that i want to make it just to stick close to your love ones and no point bearing any hatred for each other because why fill your heart with such difficulty, you will only bring a trouble mind around. Loosen up a little and step backward one step you will see things in a bigger bigger picture.

OK! Wanna said something, the NURSES in CGH is good man i tell you, especially the Staff nurse, one is totally my pattern, near la but she's not very pretty to a lot of people i think. I'm satisfied with this kinda partner! Those ITE apprentices was also not bad but too bad they isn't my type.

I miss you whenever i go there. A lot of memories with you happen to be at there. Sometimes, i would just wonder when can i put you down. Guess that's an answer i'm still yet to find....

This isn't what you presume, what i assume. No point introducing myself. Since you all know who am i.

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